Cool Quotes on Marriage

  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
    Henny Youngman
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
    Rodney Dangerfield
  • Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    George Burns
  • I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
    “There was water in the carburetor.” I said,
    “Where’s the car?” She said,
    “In the lake.”
    Henny Youngman
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    Henny Youngman
  • After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
    “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
    The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was
    in love and didn’t notice.”
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better
    revenge than to let him keep her.
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
    I don’t like to interrupt her.
  • My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
    So I got two girlfriends.
  • A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
    report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
  • Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
    You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
    you wish you had ordered that.
  • Man is incomplete until he is married.
    Then he is finished.
  • A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
    “The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
  • Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
    man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad : That happens in every country, son.
  • Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until
    I got married; then it was too late.
  • A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.”
    “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
    The woman replied, “A billionaire.
  • A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,
    “I’ve found a woman just like mother!” His father replied,
    “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  • It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
    It only seems longer.
  • Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
    They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
  • How do most men define marriage? A very expensive
    way to get your laundry done free.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife’s
    birthday is to forget it once.
  • Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is
    packing your parachute.
  • First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
    Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive