- My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
“There was water in the carburetor.” I said,
“Where’s the car?” She said,
“In the lake.”
- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
“You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was
in love and didn’t notice.”
- When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don’t like to interrupt her.
- My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.
- A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
- Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that.
- Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
- A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
“The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad : That happens in every country, son.
- Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married; then it was too late.
- A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
The woman replied, “A billionaire.
- A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,
“I’ve found a woman just like mother!” His father replied,
“So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
- Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- How do most men define marriage? A very expensive
way to get your laundry done free.
- The most effective way to remember your wife’s
birthday is to forget it once.
- Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is
packing your parachute.
- First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive