- Since light travels faster than sound
Since light travels faster than sound
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If it weren’t for electricity
If it weren’t for electricity
If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
- I am so clever
I am so clever
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Confuse them
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Second best policy
Second best policy
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination,dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- The speed of Light
The speed of Light
You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?
- Free speech
If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
- First wheel
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; he guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
- Making up
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.~Charles Lamb
- The brain
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office
- Neighbor’s newspaper
It’s always darkest before dawn So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
- Things get worse
Things get worse
We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt then things get worse.
- Don’t be irreplaceable
Don’t be irreplaceable
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
- The difference
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
- When you’re finished
When you’re finished
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.
- Giving up smoking
Giving up smoking
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. ~ Mark Twain
- Three sides to any argument
Three sides to any argument
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
- Two words
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.