Funny Quotes

  • Since light travels faster than sound
    Since light travels faster than sound
    Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If it weren’t for electricity
    If it weren’t for electricity
    If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
  • I am so clever
    I am so clever
    I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
  • Confuse them
    Confuse them
    If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  • Second best policy
    Second best policy
    Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination,dishonesty is the second-best policy.
  • The speed of Light
    The speed of Light
    You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?
  • Free speech
    Free speech
    If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
  • First wheel
    First wheel
    The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; he guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
  • Making up
    Making up
    I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.~Charles Lamb
  • The brain
    The brain
    The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office
  • Neighbor’s newspaper
    Neighbor’s newspaper
    It’s always darkest before dawn So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
  • Things get worse
    Things get worse
    We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt then things get worse.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable
    Don’t be irreplaceable
    Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • The difference
    The difference
    Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
  • When you’re finished
    When you’re finished
    Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.
  • Giving up smoking
    Giving up smoking
    Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. ~ Mark Twain
  • Three sides to any argument
    Three sides to any argument
    There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
  • Two words
    Two words
    Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.